you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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