So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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