So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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