My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
