No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
