I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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