my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
