It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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