WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
