Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
