i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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