I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
