i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
