the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
