I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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