I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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