Im at strip club and am horny
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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