Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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