Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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