Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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