They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
