fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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