His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And then the night went full on bisexual.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
