I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
