Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He's a Shit stain on my heart
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize