I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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