New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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