i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
