I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize