For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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