I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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