Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
