I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
