so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She's the barista slut.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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