dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize