Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
