a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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