I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
