..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
