I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
