I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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