Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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