Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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