this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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