On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
