I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
