I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
