And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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