I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
