ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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