the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
