You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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