I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sorry my hands just texted you
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
