it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
