I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
