I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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