Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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