remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
