did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
