She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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