UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
