Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize