I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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