Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
