Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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