Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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