I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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