you traded sex for a burrito?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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