You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
