I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
