Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
