She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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