Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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